God? Pfft, I'm all for the Feta

I haven’t written a rant in quite a while which I suppose is a good thing; it shows the percentage of irritating general public in my life has taken a sharp decline in the past few months. This may be down the fact I have a secret hobby of peeling warning labels off things and leave God sort them out.

Speaking of which I demand you all stop preaching to me about God/Gods/Allah/Deities/Omn

ipresent Beings/Flying Spaghetti Monsters/Invisible Pink Unicorns/Vishnu/Jeremy Clarkson and any other ‘supreme being’ you wish to add to that list.

I cannot walk through Swansea without somebody trying to sell me a book detailing how to find my inner peace written by some priest that lives in the middle of a forest and lives off sacrificial lambs. Although my personal favourite does have to be (cue dramatic voice over...) “CAAAAPTAAAAAIN BILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLBOOOOOOOOOOOARD”. Bloody hell! This guy must have the hardest sell in the world. “YOU’RE ALL DAAAMNED!”, “YOU’RE ALL GOIN TO HELLLLLLL!”, “JESUS IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SAVE YOU!”.
Rightyho... I gotcha... My life is so evil that I’m going to hell and by you using the word ‘damned’ you intimate that I’m condemned to this fate already. Oh but forgetting that last bit about fate, Jesus COULD save me should he feel inclined, ignoring one important fact my dear fellow; he’s dead, kaput, worm food. If Jesus was that powerful, compassionate and forgiving, what was to stop him living forever and keeping all us little beings in check, be the saviour and rule us all with an even hand?
Well the reason, according the Bible is that God gave us minds in which to be a free and self ruling race, independent from His will and to give us the chance to prove ourselves worthy of His graces. Well sorry if I sound a little ungrateful for this amazing gift oh Lord but whose fault is it then when we decide to be a bit of a cunt and shoot some kittens or trip up old ladies? Hmm? Perhaps if you’d made us all vegetables we’d be much happier and you wouldn’t have to Damn those of us who saw Hitler as a mighty fine chap.
Oh and while I’m on this topic, why as a result of your son and your actions did 2,038,344 people die in the Bible, when Satan killed a pitiful 10? I’m not shitting you by the way reader, read it for yourself.

It sounds like I got a real beef with Christianity sure, but picking holes in any religion is like shooting fish in a barrel. What bugs me the most is not that people believe in religion but that they do so in blind faith. Blind faith is not a proof of existence and does not make your belief true!
To me having blind faith in something is akin to hypnotherapy. Both make you believe something, both would have you defending said belief and both, if told to do so, would make you preach your belief to others... So like I said earlier about belief making things fact, what would stop me getting hypnotised to have blind faith in my next lottery ticket purchase being a jackpot winner? And what about the Pied Piper? He was a hypnotist, made children follow him in blind faith, look what happened to them?

Look all I ask is keep your beliefs to yourself and leave me with mine, which are that Feta Cheese is fantastic and that Opitimus Prime should be president of the world.