Here is a accurate, drawn, representation of 99% of people who own Apple products.
8===D
And here is a representation of you when you purchase an Apple product.
Apple --> 8==O") <-- You (Sucking off Apple)
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Ok, time I think to explain before half off the internet read this, come to my house and start launching miscellaneous fruit and vegetables at it.
You are all a product of, admittedly,
Iphone (1st Generation)
This one is so clear cut that a simple list of cans and cant’s will demonstrate what I'm getting at...
Small Print: Before people start defending it from what I'm writing by saying "Ooo but Apple has fixed all that now" while having your penis up Steve Jobs arse, I'm using the 1st generation Iphone for a reason. This is the one that was more hyped than Jesus, from a company bigger and worshipped in more countries than Jesus and cost more than the Holy Grail..... Drank from by Jesus (Fans of The Da Vinci code, don't even think about it), and better illustrates the point that people are uninformed and unintelligent consumers.
Can't or Doesn't:
- Have a user battery replacement option
- Send picture messages
- Record Video
- Copy and Paste
- Have built in GPS
- Have 3G!(This one is incredible for something that boasts video calling, someone please tell me what the quality is like without it)
- Allow 3rd Party plug-ins, only Apple extensions
- Allow for OS customisation
- Take good quality photos (2 Megapixel)
- Have a flash
Does, Can or Will:
- Explode in your face (I'm not shitting you, Google 'Exploding Apple Battery')
- Allow you to move things with your finger (Just because you can doesn't mean you should. I can think of plenty of things that are not good to touch or move with your finger, poo for example)
- Make a dent larger than a nuke in the Grand Canyon to your bank balance
- Tie you to a specific network meaning they can charge what they like for price plans as you have no other option
- Limit you to 4GB or 8GB or storage
Now for a competitor product that has more features, is cheaper on contract, more robust, more customisable and fuck me I could go on but I won't.
Nokia N95 - In the interest of fairness I will use the 1st generation of this as a comparison.
Can, Does or Will:
- Unlimited storage with cards
- GPS, 3G and Video Calling
- Have a user battery replacement option
- 5 Megapixel camera with flash
- Customisable OS
- Have almost limitless options of software from 3rd parties
- Cheaper
Yet people still buy the Iphone
And I could go on but I'm bored of the Iphone already so I'm going to move onto the Air now before making my overall point.
I bet a large number of people have seen the advert for the Air where some anonymous person pulls it out of an envelope to show have amazingly thin it is ("The thinnest laptop ever!"- Steve Jobs). Now try and think of another key selling point Apple advertised about it..... Still thinking? Go on, keep trying. Good. You’re fucked for one aren't you?
Click here after reading the whole note!
What that is a link to is an article describing the fact that Hewlett Packard developed a thinner laptop in, wait for it 1997! 11 years ago! Wow, Apple, you’re on the cutting edge of technology here my friend. Currently there is a Sony Vaio out that is 0.5 millimetres thicker than the Air(about the width of a gnats cock), and that is the only part where the Vaio falls down.
For the same price as the Air you get.... Better battery life, faster processor, more and faster RAM, more storage, Nvidia graphics chip, ohh, and a little thing called a DVD drive and burner and it's that part that grips my proverbial more than anything else. How many people in this day and age would seriously think, "Hmm I need a new desktop computer but I don't need any form of drive CD/DVD or otherwise"?
Yet it's of this exact statement, Apple has convinced the thousands of douches that have purchased it thus far is something to consider.
Yet people still buy the MacBook Air
But I don't hate Apple and I mean it. Really.
I am in unequivocal awe of their marketing team who, like a demented ape, is able to shovel and throw shit at the consumer in such vast quantities yet still retain a clean, zero poo stained, image.
What this is all about is you. Yes you with black polo neck sweater, silly beret and an affinity for fine cheese and poetry readings who seem to be the stereotypical crApple consumer.
These people have bought into Apple so much it's no longer a producer, company or any other business orientated synonym, it's a fucking cult. Here follows an actual quote by an Apple product user.
"I am so happy to be part of the Apple movement, it like being welcomed into a loving family"
- Anonymous tithead in the New York Apple store queue waiting 3 days for an Iphone.
It's because of these people technology is restrained from progressing.
Style in most aspects of life is a good thing. Clothing, food, housing, haircuts, music, art are all good examples where style is paramount to the average consumer. Technology should NOT be one of these things.
Apple make great looking products I'm willing to concede that point but by fuelling the demand for styled technology you slow down it's progress. If everybody was to accept this point and purchase based on substance, who knows where we'd be now!?
Personally I blame Apple consumers for why I'm not flying round in my own personal hovercar and why we haven't developed 3 million ways to cure cancer.
